Just in case I forgot to mention it...

...our government is stupid!

I underpaid my taxes in 2003 by a fairly sizeable amount, at least in terms of my economy (how and why that happened is another story for another time). Anyway, I've been paying $200/month on the balance for several years and, as of the first of this month, the balance was $2200. After that balance was reported, the government applied our tax rebate of $1200 to the balance and THEN applied our tax overpayment of $1200 to it, in addition to my regular $200 payment for the month of May. I should have a $400 surplus in the account right about now, right? Not according to the IRS! After burning 1 hour, 34 minutes and 34 seconds of cell time with the fine people of the Internal Revenue Service (after which time, while "holding" for the 243rd time, some genius hung up on me!), it was decided that I had a zero balance on the principal, but owe $821 in penalty and interest. Uhhhh.....DO YOU PEOPLE READ THE STUFF THAT YOU SEND ME????? According to my May 7, 2008 statement, I owed $2,277.82, $572.20 of which was penalty and $1,198.26 was interest. I never did very well with math in school, but 2600 minus 2,277.82 equals a $322.18 surplus the last time I checked!

H-E-L-L-O-!-!-!-!-?-?-?-?.......Anyone at the IRS got a calculator? Uhhh....how about a pencil and some paper? Oh, all right; we'll just do a rough cut, then. 2600 minus 2200...errr.....that's going to be too tough; let's leave off the "thousands" since that's going to just confuse you. 600 minus 200....errrrr.....nevermind. Let's leave off the tens and ones, too. Too tough! Okay....6 minus 2 equals.......????? Did you say four? That's very good! Lollipop for you! Now, let's put the 10s and 1s back on there so we have the correct amount! That's right!!!! $400!!!! Mr. Dan has put 400 more apples into the basket than he owed!

Where's my freakin' apples, IRS?!?!

You know, this whole experience has soured me considerably on the IRS in particular and on the government as a whole. Look, I know the government is just people like you and I doing their jobs as best they can with the tools that they're given. Here's the deal. Our government is totally inefficient, clumsy, and...well....stupid!!! When the government is so large and unweildy that I have to wait on hold for nearly 2 hours to find out how on earth 2600 minus 2200 equals +800 and then they can't figure out how to operate a phone system so they hang up on me, something has GOT to change! Folks...it's just one account! It ought to be one file on one mainframe with some sort of back-up in case the thing comes crashing down. It ought to be accessible by whoever's been assigned to manage the account and whoever that person's boss is, AND THAT'S IT!!! When a payment is made, you open the file, deduct the amount from the balance, and call it a day. I don't know how penalties and interest are assessed, but let's say it's quarterly. On January 1, April 1, July 1, and October 1, someone opens the file, figures out the amount of P&I that needs to be added, adds it to the balance, and closes the account. Oooooohhhhh! I'll bet there's a computer program out there that will do that FOR you automatically if you set it up with the dates you want!

I wish this was rocket science, I really do. I could understand how it would be difficult if it were; but it's not. It's a simple tax account for a relatively modest sum from a relatively modest and hard-working American, and I'm fed up with the inefficiency and stupidity involved! It's time for SOMEONE to say, "You know what? You're right! The IRS is a stupid agency that regularly goofs stuff like this up and basically steals money from hard-working Americans and we're going to do away with it! From now on, everybody pays 10% of their income, period. No "deductions," no loop-holes, no tax shelters, no nothing. Employers and companies report their income at the end of the year and send in a check. Period." I'd be good with that, and it would be simple to maintain. Everyone would have to go on a fiscal diet so that they actually HAVE the money at the end of the year when it's due, and the government would have to show a little fiscal responsibility so that they don't spend all of that windfall at once and run out of money at the end of the year. Natually, some of it would have to go toward the quadrillion dollar debt that we have, but maybe, when they're getting close to paying it off, they'll have to burn cell time on hold for two hours listening to "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies" only to find that someone accidentally hit a "plus" sign instead of a "minus" and they still owe 8 trillion instead of having a 400 billion surplus like they thought.

Instant karma!