For those who do not know, in 1943 a psychologist named Abraham Maslow published a paper called "A Theory of Human Motivation," in which he attempts to explain why people do what they do (see diagram above). According to his theory, people do whatever they have to do to settle basic physical needs first; food, clothing, and shelter. Second only to physical needs are those associated with security; a stable family and society that protects us from violence and interruption of physical needs. After security and physical needs are met, people tend to seek love and acceptance as their third most important need.
Think about that; love and acceptance comes only after food, shelter, and security! In this day and time when broken homes are the norm rather than the exception; when kids are left unattended for long periods and are raised by day cares centers, and when parents, in many cases, need to grow up as much if not more than their kids, is it any wonder that gangs and gang memberships are exploding?!
I see it first-hand every day. Even in an internediate school, gangs are moving in at an alarming rate. Why is this? When you investigate, you find that these are almost always cases of single-parent households where mom works long hours and has little or no time for Junior; that the environment that Junior is exposed to is less than ideal, and that Junior has had exposure to gangs at one level or another. These "recruiters" make the experience seem empowering and fulfilling. They make it seem as though the members are a big happy family AND that money will never again be a problem.
Gangs lie a lot!
Well, one gang that I've heard a little about, MS-13, tells the truth about their "dotted triangle" tatoo. The dots in the triangle stand for Death, Prison, or the hospital. Now THERE'S something to look forward to, isn't it?
So, why would anyone get into an organization that promises eventual death, destruction, or ruin?
Maslow's hierarchy is powerful! The need for acceptance is second only to physical necessities and security; it's a powerful incentive to kids who otherwise feel isolated, alone, and abandoned.
So, how do we bring these kids back from the edge? I'd like to say it's easy, but it's really not. If 2-parent nuclear families were coming back, they'd have come back a long time ago. Research has shown that kids do much better in such environments, so no one would do the 1-parent thing if they had a choice, I'm sure of it. Also, sad as it is, single-parent homes where there was NEVER a father are usually less-educated and therefore have less earning power than their college-educated, single counterparts from a divorce situation. That means mom works longer and sees Junior less. Parent surrogates such as teachers, "big brothers," coaches, and others, can fill the void somewhat, but only when everyone involved admits there is a problem and does what is necessary to head the gang off at the pass.
Kids will seek acceptance and love, regardless of where it comes from.
I pray that this scourge will end soon and that more people will rise up and say "No more! We WILL get involved! We will NOT allow thugs and criminals to take our kids away from us!"
I'm afraid that they'll wind up on one of those three dots if it doesn't happen soon.
Think about that; love and acceptance comes only after food, shelter, and security! In this day and time when broken homes are the norm rather than the exception; when kids are left unattended for long periods and are raised by day cares centers, and when parents, in many cases, need to grow up as much if not more than their kids, is it any wonder that gangs and gang memberships are exploding?!
I see it first-hand every day. Even in an internediate school, gangs are moving in at an alarming rate. Why is this? When you investigate, you find that these are almost always cases of single-parent households where mom works long hours and has little or no time for Junior; that the environment that Junior is exposed to is less than ideal, and that Junior has had exposure to gangs at one level or another. These "recruiters" make the experience seem empowering and fulfilling. They make it seem as though the members are a big happy family AND that money will never again be a problem.
Gangs lie a lot!
Well, one gang that I've heard a little about, MS-13, tells the truth about their "dotted triangle" tatoo. The dots in the triangle stand for Death, Prison, or the hospital. Now THERE'S something to look forward to, isn't it?
So, why would anyone get into an organization that promises eventual death, destruction, or ruin?
Maslow's hierarchy is powerful! The need for acceptance is second only to physical necessities and security; it's a powerful incentive to kids who otherwise feel isolated, alone, and abandoned.
So, how do we bring these kids back from the edge? I'd like to say it's easy, but it's really not. If 2-parent nuclear families were coming back, they'd have come back a long time ago. Research has shown that kids do much better in such environments, so no one would do the 1-parent thing if they had a choice, I'm sure of it. Also, sad as it is, single-parent homes where there was NEVER a father are usually less-educated and therefore have less earning power than their college-educated, single counterparts from a divorce situation. That means mom works longer and sees Junior less. Parent surrogates such as teachers, "big brothers," coaches, and others, can fill the void somewhat, but only when everyone involved admits there is a problem and does what is necessary to head the gang off at the pass.
Kids will seek acceptance and love, regardless of where it comes from.
I pray that this scourge will end soon and that more people will rise up and say "No more! We WILL get involved! We will NOT allow thugs and criminals to take our kids away from us!"
I'm afraid that they'll wind up on one of those three dots if it doesn't happen soon.
2 comments:
Dan, dear brother-in-Him,
This is an excellent piece! You are spot on with your assessment of the methods used by the Accuser to attack our kids and their families.
Having worked with single parents for almost a couple of decades now, more and more I'm convinced that our models of separating these families into their own groups will not succeed on the long term. I think an edited form of the Bridge of Hope model is better suited to really helping these parents and kids.
Bridge of Hope asks communities of seven churches to form mentor groups for one single parented family in each congregation. These mentor groups, usually made up of 5-10 families of varied age groups, completely surround the parent with hands-on mentoring, orientation, helping with grooming, finishing studies, parenting, job prep and interviews. No money is given directly by the sponsors to the mentoree, rather a fund is set up and administered by Bridge of Hope. There are many other details, but this one has members of the congregation actively involved in the single-parented family's lives and daily life - encouraging them to finish school, to look for and keep good jobs, to learn how to budget realistically and follow the budget, how to parent their kids and the group gives the single-parented family a network of grandparents, father figures, aunts, uncles, cousins figues etc. that are close to them as any family would be.
I could go on and on, Dan, but this is your blog, not mine so sorry to make this so long. I'm in total agreement with your assessment and pray we as a church will dig in searching for viable long-term solutions. May God hear our cry!! AMEN!
You're too kind, Kathy!
When I was a kid, children were NOT "disposable" as they are now. Not only that, but everyone helped to raise everyone else's kids! What I mean is, everyone's mom was home all day long and, if I did something at Johnny's that Johnny's mom didn't like, she'd either deal with it herself or call my mom so that SHE could take care of it. Often times, Jonny's mom AND my mom would deal with it separately! But then, that was the societal norm back then. Now, Johnny doesn't HAVE a mom (or, he might as well not have one; she works two jobs and spends whatever free time she gets trying to recover or doing whatever domestic chores need to be done) and Johnny's dad is in prison. Johnny cries out inside for his needs to be met, but his cries fall on deaf or far too busy ears.
It's time for society to get involved again, assuming societal norms can be agreed upon as they once were and enough people who are willing and able will stand up and take an active role.
Thanks, Kathy! Great to see your comment!
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