I want to find the next big thing in education

During September, I had one Saturday off. Things have been a little more laid back during October, but we had a "mandatory" training scheduled for this past Saturday - a "guru" with all the answers for how to bring our test scores up to "exemplary" (we were "recommended" this past year, so "exemplary" is the next and highest rating we can achieve). The trainer, a lady with impecable credentials, said basically the same thing I've heard at least 1,000 times already, but her special emphasis was that we need to identify our "at risk" kids using previous year's test scores and spend more time with them individually, trying to get them over the hump.



Really? We should find out who struggles in whatever area and bring them in for tutoring? Well, that's just freakin' revolutionary! Why didn't WE think of that? We've been doing extended-day help sessions for just such kids for as long as I can remember! I'm sure glad we paid her $1500 plus travel expenses!



I need to find the next big thing in education and then travel all over the country, charging sick stipends for my brilliant idea! A couple of years, I can retire!



Here's an idea. Teach the curriculum. Stress the things that are consistently tested, but teach the whole curriculum. When kids struggle, call their parents and insist that they come in for tutoring. If mom, dad, or guardian don't care, spend individual time with them when you can. An old maxim still holds true, however: you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. If kids insist on failure, help them out; FAIL THEM!!! Sometimes, a good, old-fashioned kick in the pants is exactly what they need to set them straight.



I think that's the next big thing. Kick them in the pants! I think I'll start the "pants-kick" institute and charge $200 a head to teach educators the technique; "well, it goes like this - have them bend over, bend your leg ever so slightly at the knee, then swing your leg until your foot strikes them in the back of the pants." I think I'll clean up! And here's the best part; it's been so long since any of these kids actually got what they need (a swift kick in the pants!), they'll improve dramatically on their test just to avoid any more "motivation" from their newly-trained teachers!

Of course, I'm joking. Physically abusing children doesn't help them to improve academically. However, most of this other garbage they're training us on almost constantly anymore doesn't help anything either. All it does is create a lot of confusion and fatigue an already tired faculty, who would be better served by focusing on what works - establish good relationships with the kids, hold them to high standards, do everything you can to help them, cajole them, tutor them, and TEACH them.

I think I'd make more money with the other thing, but then, I don't know if I could live with myself if I was part of the problem and NOT the solution. - Dan