Who's fantasy?

Several years ago, when the "fantasy" football craze was just beginning, a friend at work asked me if I wanted to join their little fantasy group and play along. I'd never heard of fantasy football, so my first question was, "What's it all about?" My friend explained that a bunch of guys get together and draft teams from existing NFL rosters and then "play" games based on the weekly stats of "their" players. "A game on paper, if you will." My next question was, "Who's doing it?" He gave me a list of names. One guy was sort of a sickly kind of guy who couldn't lift his weight (and he was only 4 foot nothing, so he couldn't have weighed more than 120 after a shower); another one of the guys was a guy I remembered from school. He may have been a cheerleader, too, but I remember him from the band. Another one of the guys was one of those "always on the internet trading 401k stock picks" kind of guys. Another one was a guy who was friendly enough, but not real bright. As he went through the roster of "players," not a single one of them was a guy who I'd choose for my Saturday afternoon two-below game; they were all pasty, morbidly obese, or play hide-and-seek with dental floss kind of guys who I don't think had ever gotten close enough to a real football to play with one. I politely declined. "Are you sure?" my friend asked, "It's going to be a lot of fun!" "No, I don't think so," I replied, "It doesn't sound like something I'd enjoy."

Now that the "craze" has been under way for around 10 years or so, my original impressions are bolstered more every day. I don't know a single "fantasy" partipant who doesn't simply scream "LOSER!!!" Oh, they're nice enough guys and, as far as I can tell, they don't do anyone any harm, but they're all like the guy at the cocktail party who corners you talking about their allergies to cat dander; they just make your skin crawl and you can't wait to get away from them so you kind find someone with something interesting to say!

Maybe it's the title of the thing; fantasy football. Perhaps if they called it "Never could play for real so I thought I'd find SOME means of participating" football, it'd be easier to stomach. Meanwhile, watch those stats, losers! Curt Warner came in off the bench last weekend and threw a meaningless touchdown pass with 3 seconds left....your fantasy team may have won!

Maybe I'll invent "fantasy ice dancing" for the fantasy football guys who can't find a league. - Dan